It has been about 3 years since I battled the bottle, and many more since I have argued with speed. It is no secret to my friends and family, but I am an addict. It didn't help that I worked in a bar for so many years, OR that I have a mental health diagnosis. I have had so much guilt and pain over my past, not that I would change it....I would not be where I am today had I not had it.
That being said, it took me getting sober to find my drug of choice, that drug that gets me high every time, the one that makes me smile, the one that keeps me longing for more, the one that I come crawling back to every time. My drug of choice, or drugs? My children!!
Some people will read this and hate me for calling my children "drugs", please do not turn this into a PC thing. The truth is, I cannot get enough of them. My son, William, he has this amazing smile, with only one dimple. I am telling you, the warmth that comes over my body every time he really smiles that smile, is unlike any feeling I have ever know. He is quick too, so quick witted, I have a hard time keeping up with him and his fantastic sense of humor.
My Kiersten, well now she is another drug...contagious is her laughter. Her giggles and smiles are so contagious and when she walks into the room and you can feel her heart. And she has this intellect that is amazing! She is 9 and wants to be a scientist! I cannot believe I ever thought there was a rum and coke out there that could compare to the complete euphoria of my daughters charm!!
And Sadie, she's my pumpkin, she is so outgoing! I love that she can be so outgoing at home and then we can go somewhere and she turns into this shy little thing, her little foot even turns inward when she is being shy and it is the cutest site ever! And talk about smart....she has some street smarts for an 8 year old, knows things about things that I don't think I knew at 8. And her freckles, ah the angel kisses, she can make my heart glow just by being in the room!
So all these years later, I tell you what my drug of choice is: My children!! I yearn for them, hugs and kisses, cuddles and tickles! I definitely cannot go a day without them! I know it sounds funny but I think I will continue to chase this dragon til the day I die (if not longer)!!!